A few months ago I listened to a podcast of my Waco church's sermon. I don't remember who was preaching or what passage was covered, but I do remember a main theme: build bridges, not walls.
During this season of life, emotions are high, and some days I feel like I'm wading waist-high in change and adjustments. I've been shocked and thrilled and heartbroken by changes I've learned have happened in others' lives and the changes I'm learning about in me. It's overwhelming, and in the midst of being overwhelmed, I sense myself withdrawing, slowly building walls. One brick at a time, slapping on the mortar between the bricks as I retreat from the world, a heightened awareness of just how chaotic and unexpected all of life is.
This is the natural, self-preserving reaction: withdrawing. Building walls. Blocking people out.
The more I think about it, this practice may be self-preserving, but I don't want to be preserved the way I am. I want to change, to learn, to grow! The comfortable, safe option is to hide. The innovative, exciting, healthy option is to stand my ground - not even reaching out and crossing new boundaries, but simply standing still, right where I am. Not moving backward, not retreating, not withdrawing, but holding my ground. Feeling the weight of grief and the amazingly high stress of waiting to find out what's next in life.
Today, it's a victory if I simply don't tear any bridges down. There are some boundaries I've had to set up, like limiting how many people I see and events I go to. However, I think in the long run these boundaries will make for stronger bridges, not towering and isolating walls.
Today, I'm going to try simply to be aware of the bridges and walls I'm building, sitting still and letting my soul decompress and mend and draw closer to Jesus.