I'm remembering what I felt like before Cambodia—because reflection is an integral part of processing what in the world happened the past few months and how in the world I came to be the person I am now. This letter is a good reminder to me of what matters in this season of transition, too.
Dear Self,
On the hard days, remember all the ways God called you to this and confirmed it was what you were supposed to do. That’s what will get you through.
It’s okay to struggle on the mission field. It’s okay to doubt your faith, God, His goodness, and your purpose. Let’s be real, you’d go through seasons of doubt in the US too.
Transition shakes your very core. Like it says in Hebrew 12, when things are shaken, only what is eternal remains. The same is true for your transitions. Your core beliefs about God and yourself will be shaken. What is true will remain. This will shape your beliefs and who you are. In this way, experiences can be like an accelerated pursuit of truth.
Breathe a little. Sleep a little. Take care of yourself so you can be the best version of you that you can be. The one God created you to be.
You’re going to fail. You’re going to spend too much time thinking of America some days. You’re going to withdraw from America and your friends there some days. We learn by experimenting, by going from one extreme to another. Like a pendulum, we eventually find the middle. It’ll just take a while. And that’s okay.
You’re not alone. I’m with you and for you as your own best friend (I’m working on not being your own worst enemy). And God is with you and for you.
If you ever need something, ask God about it. He’ll give an answer. You’re desperate for Him. He knows this. He’s brought you to a place where you know this, too. He’s faithful, and He will answer. Wait. Trust. Pray. Thank. Love. Do your best. Rest. Rest in Him. It’s worth it. His presence is worth it.
You’re not going to feel like you’re changing, but you are. Each mountain you stumble up and over is a character-changing experience you won’t be able to un-do, and you will come to see the world in new ways you can’t ever un-see.
Be, just be, with Jesus. Let Him sit with you through every single beautiful up and every single ugly down.
He loves you.
—Allison